July 2007

You are currently browsing the monthly archive for July 2007.

Dinner With Her Parents

July 7, 2007 in Merry | No comments

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms.

The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he’d like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack. The boy insists on the familypack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. “Oh I’m so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!”

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl’s parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. Four minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after nearly ten minutes with his head down, the girlfriend finally leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, “I had no idea you were this religious.”

The boy turns, and whispers back, “I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.”

- From our big dusty archive of funny email
(Authors Unknown)

How To Ask For What You Want

July 7, 2007 in Psyche | No comments

Here’s a bit of psyche mojo for when you have to ask someone for something, like a raise from your boss, or some extra time off from work.

First, make a list of reasons to back up your request. In the case of a raise, come up with all your job-related accomplishments and things you’ve done that are above and beyond the call of duty. In the case of time off, list all the extra hours you’ve put in without pay. Include times and dates, and what you were working on. The secret here is to be specific.

Then, when you’re actually asking, ask in a strong and straightforward manner. “I’ve been working hard and I deserve a raise,” or, “I put in a lot of extra time, and I want some time off with pay to compensate.” Never, ever ask in a weak, roundabout way, like, “Do you think, um, that it would be possible to, say, maybe, consider giving me a raise?” Psychologically, a weak question is easier to dismiss, and you’ve given them the advantage to laugh it off like you were joking, or simply say “Sorry, not this year.”

Now, you’ve asked your strong, demanding question. Without skipping a beat, follow up by asking for much more than you actually want. This is key, because there’s an outside chance that you’ll get it, but even more importantly, this gives you room to negotiate down to what you really want.

Next, and before they have a chance to respond to the amount, immediately list off all the reasons that you deserve this thing you’re asking for. This will keep them off balance and chip away at their ability to say no. Be calm, not too aggressive — don’t act angry and put them on the defensive — simply state it all in a matter of fact, earnest voice.

I deserve a raise. I want x number of dollars. I deserve it because yadda yadda yadda.

The most likely response will be, “I can’t give you that much, but…” and they’ll rattle off a lower amount. You counter with one that’s a bit less than your original demand. And, with luck, you negotiate down to your goal.

This works with more than just raises and time off. Use your imagination, and then get what you deserve.

"Pre-Qualify" Your Online Dating

July 7, 2007 in Romantic | No comments

You’re in-between relationships and have decided you’re ready to let someone new into your life. Either someone you know has recommended online dating services, or you’ve been wooed by their ads. You sign up, you fill in the forms, and are now facing that blank space where you’re supposed to tell everyone about yourself.

What you write is up to you, but here’s a highly recommended suggestion: Be honest! Not only to your prospective romantic connections, but also to yourself.

If you project only what you think a prospective date wants to hear, you may well attract more people — but probably not the right ones. If you want to meet someone who is going to love you for who you really are, then you’ve got to put your real self out there for everyone to see. Not your alter ego. Not who you’d like to be. But who you really are.

In doing this, the people who you attract will be attracted to you. This is the big advantage that online dating has over traditional dating — the ability to put yourself in front of a lot of people, giving you a much higher chance of finding the right one. Here’s your opportunity to find “pre-qualified” people whom with you really have a lot in common.

If you’re still staring at that blank space where you’re supposed to tell everyone about yourself, and you really don’t know where to start, begin by listing positive bits of information. Positive things about yourself, your interests, your passions, and your goals. Keep it short, sweet, and light hearted. Avoid any negative statements. Then be careful, patient, and remain positive. It might take a while, but true love is worth the wait.

Love is out there, and someone special is looking for you. Help them find you. The real you.

Create Backup Copies of Video DVDs

July 7, 2007 in Tech | No comments

NOTE: since writing this, it’s gone out of date and some of the links are dead. Updating it is on my to-do list … but in the meantime if you have any tips on this to share, please send them to me or put them in the comments. Thanks!

The scenario: you just spent $24.95 on a new DVD for your kids. You pop it in the player, sit on the couch with them, and they have fun watching it over and over again. You, on the other hand, fall asleep. Time passes, and you wake up with your youngest one shaking you. “Watch again!” she says. “Want to watch again!”

Then she hands you two halves of the DVD disk she mysteriously destroyed while you were napping.

Goodbye $24.95.

Now, without getting into a legal debate [I'm in the camp which believes any laws prohibiting the circumvention of copy protection are invalid because they violate pre-existing fair use laws] I’m going to outline how you can do this, for the explicit purpose of protecting your investment in legally purchased DVDs.

The following programs are free, and they work together:

First, go to www.ripit4me.org and download the main piece of software, RipIt4Me. This is a small program that coordinates and controls three other programs. Download and study it. It goes a long way toward making this complex process simple.

When you run this software it will, in turn, instruct you to download and install the following free programs:

Once you have these software applications installed, RipIt4Me takes control of them and makes it a easy process. This combination gets around most known copy protection schemes (at least, it does at the time of this writing) and enables you to make copies of your legally purchased DVDs, so that you’ll put wear and tear on the cheap copies instead of the valuable originals. Also, you’ll be able to use single layer discs, and not the more expensive and finicky dual layer blanks.

Now, even though RipIt4Me simplifies the process, it still takes some reading and there is a learning curve. If you’re not that technically inclined, you might consider buying a commercial DVD copying solution, such as those produced by SlySoft.com. SlySoft is supposed to make some of the best and easiest to use tools available, and they offer free updates to keep it current, so that newly released copy protection schemes don’t render it useless.

These software titles, both the free and pay versions, also have the added benefit of being able to make good copies of some DVDs that are otherwise damaged. As in, if you’ve got a scratched up and skipping disc, these give you a good chance of resurrecting a playable copy from it.

Unfortunately if your little girl has already snapped the disk in half, then you’re out of luck no matter what software you have.

Ringtone Birds

July 7, 2007 in Weird | No comments

I came across this interesting article about how birds in the wild are now imitating mobile phone ring tones. “The birds have an uncanny ability to mimic these ring tones,” states Ornithologist Richard Schneider. “This has picked up in tandem with the boom in mobile phone ownership.”

I can just see it. A future where birds are flying from tree to tree, pooping on your car and saying, “Can you hear me now?”

Pasta Timothy

July 7, 2007 in Yummy | No comments

Lowfat, lactose-free pasta!

1 med. yellow onion, chopped (sweet Vidalia if available)
1 lb. chicken breast, sliced into approx. 1/2″ X 2″ pieces (NOTE: Though I haven’t tried it, lacto-vegans could probably substitute firm or extra firm tofu for the chicken)
2 tblsp. olive oil (extra virgin, if available)
1 tsp. dried oregano
16 oz. ziti or penne pasta
5 tblsp. lactose-free margarine (Fleischmann’s Unsalted, if available)
1/2 c. flour
1/2 c. lactose-free shredded parmesan, mozzarella and Romano (“Veggie Shreds” brand, if available)
2 cloves chopped garlic
2 1/2 c. fat-free, lactose-free milk (Lactaid, Deans, etc…)
8 oz. chopped frozen spinach (defrosted and drained)
Fresh ground sea salt and pepper to taste (sauce and marinade)

Set aside a lightly greased 13″X9″ lasagna pan (greased with Fat free Pam, if available). Marinate raw chicken breast slices for several hours in oregano, chopped garlic, a dash of ground sea salt and ground pepper, and 1 tbsp. olive oil. Sauté marinated chicken and chopped onion in 1 tbsp. olive oil (enough to coat the bottom of the skillet), until onion is translucent and chicken is lightly browned. Drain extra fat/liquid from chicken/onion mixture and set aside.

In a saucepan, cook milk, 4 tbsp. margarine, and flour until thickened, whisking continuously until bubbly and smooth. Add ground sea salt and pepper to taste, then add cheese and whisk gently until cheese is melted and blended in.

Boil pasta until al’ dente (approx. 12 minutes), toss with remaining margarine, chicken, onion, spinach, and 1/2 the sauce, and spread in lasagna pan. Then pour remaining sauce over the top of the pasta, smooth out sauce so that all of the pasta is covered, and bake in a 375 degree oven for approx. 45 minutes.

Serves between 6 to 8 people. Enjoy!

Timed Writing to the Future

July 7, 2007 in Creative | No comments

A writer’s trick for keeping words flowing is to do timed writing practice every single day. Doesn’t matter what you write, and doesn’t matter how many words. Just pick a time and start writing. Say, 15 minutes, and set a timer, and write constantly for those 15 minutes.

This is an established practice that’s been around since the 60′s. But here’s a new twist on it.

Go to FutureMe.org and set up an account. It’s free.

This is a place where you write letters to yourself to be delivered to you in the future (up to 50 years in the future).

Every day go there and do a timed writing exercise and set it to be emailed to you one year in the future. Or longer. Or shorter. Whatever you want.

But it would be so cool to read all the random stuff that was in your mind a year ago today. Who knows what will turn up? What it will inspire? What forgotten thing it will remind you of?

Make sure you click their Google Ads everyday so that they can afford to send you the email a year from now!

…from MojoWriter.com

Camera Phone as CYA Tool

July 7, 2007 in Financial | No comments

Using the little camera in your phone (or in my case, my Sony PDA) can keep you from getting ripped off. If the camera has a date imprinting feature, make sure it’s on by default.

When renting a car, take pictures of it before you drive it for the first time, especially paying attention to any scratches or dings. Then take pictures right before you turn it back in. This way if they try to claim you damaged the car, you’ll have proof that you didn’t.

Do the same for your own car before you hand the keys over for valet parking. When you get the car back, walk around it once before you get inside, and if you see anything suspicious – anything at all – take a picture of it. You can always compare the photos later, and if you do find a scratch or ding, you have evidence to back up your claim.

Here’s an example that worked for me personally: I suspected a place I used to take my car in for an oil change wasn’t actually replacing my oil filter (I already knew for a fact that they weren’t doing some of the other things they were supposed to do). So I opened the hood and took a picture of the oil filter the day before taking it in for service. Then, after taking it in for the change, I opened the hood right there in the parking lot and took a new picture of the oil filter. The picture was identical to the one I took the day before.

The service manager was on the defensive, but couldn’t explain away the pictures. So he sent my car back into the shop and had them do it all over again, on top of refunding my money.

These are just a few of the ways you can use that ever-present little camera to cover your butt. Any time you’re responsible for the condition of something, or someone else is responsible for something of yours, a few quick little snapshots can save you significant trouble or money. Think of it as insurance that you don’t have to pay for.

Do You Have Brand Loyalty Sickness?

July 7, 2007 in Financial | No comments

Do you buy Coca-Cola and only Coca-Cola? Do you, in fact, buy collectible plates, clocks, toy cars, or the like with the company’s brand name on it? Will you buy Coca-Cola even when it costs more than a competitor’s cola that tastes just as good?

No? Then how about products from Pepsi? Or Harley Davidson, for that matter? Or Google? Or any specific brand?

Do you tend to stick with one company because you know and trust them, even to the point where you don’t even look at a competing brand?

If so, you may have Brand Loyalty Sickness.

You must understand that companies pay an insane amount of money to infect you with this sickness. You’ll find it in their corporate goals anywhere you look. “Build customer loyalty.” A brand with strong customer loyalty is like a rich silver mine, and it’s great for them.

Not for you, however. This you must also come to understand and accept. Brand loyalty is bad for you and it’s bad for our economy.

Our Capitalist society is a Darwinian dog-eat-dog arena where only the best and most innovative will survive. The end result is that you should get the best products for the best price.

Should.

Not always, though, because instead of putting their emphasis on making their products better and more affordable, some companies focus on keeping their customers — YOU — brainwashed into opting out of the game altogether. If they can only convince you that their brand is the best, and that you need not try any other brand because you already know theirs is better, then what motive will they ever have to improve? They don’t need to. They’ve already turned you into their reliable old cash cow. They’ve successfully infected you with the sickness.

I call it a sickness because that’s what it is. It cripples your ability to make informed choices. It costs you money. It dulls the senses by putting you into a predictable routine. Large corporations take advantage of you.

I’m not saying that you, say, drink Pepsi even if you don’t like it as much as Coke. But if you won’t even try Pepsi because it’s not Coke, that’s when you have a problem. The best thing for you, me, and everyone else is to sample and choose regardless of brand. This even helps the brand you feel loyalty toward, because it forces them to innovate and improve.

So don’t be a mind-controlled brand-loyal herd animal! Run with the wolves! Cull the flock! Improve the system, save yourself money, and end up with better products.

Kiss Therapy

July 7, 2007 in Healthy, Romantic | 1 comment

It starts with just a timid touching of the lips.

You both smile, and she takes a breath and leans into you again. It’s a soft, lingering kiss. You pull away slightly, and she leans forward more. Her lips part, so you part yours as well. Your hands slide up her arms, squeeze lightly below the shoulders. Taking her upper lip in between yours, you pull it gently before letting it slide out. She lets out a little sigh, and then does the same to you.

This is good for you. Literally.

You kiss lightly but constantly for the next few minutes, your heart racing, your breath growing short. Then she touches your lips with her tongue, and you smile slightly and meet it with the tip of your own. It’s like an introduction, the two meeting for the first time. They dance around a bit. Play hide-and-go-seek. Then you run the tip of your tongue lightly around the inside of her lips, then take her bottom lip in between yours and gently pull for a moment before letting go. Your hands caress her neck, her ears. Your fingers slide through her hair.

She sighs again, her passion growing.

What you two are doing burns over 6 calories a minute. It boosts the immune system, slows the aging process, drastically reduces stress, and even helps prevent tooth decay. It also pulls you out of your ordinary day and puts you in an amazing place outside of time and space. The world fades away, leaving just the two of you, and the wonder of what you share.

Now her arms are tight around you, and your bodies are pressed up against each other. Your kisses have built a rhythm, and you’re kissing with more than just your lips. You’re caressing each other, moving against each other, breathing each other’s breath. She gives out the occasional cry of pleasure, almost like a happy whimper, letting you know she is enjoying it as much as you are.

Your body is releasing oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin into your blood, your very own elixir of love. Endorphins flood your system, producing euphoria. All these things are good for you. They work wonders on your physical and mental health.

So kiss often. Kiss as many times a day as you can, every day. It’s a highly recommended therapy with far-flung benefits.

Not to mention that it’s a lot of fun.

« Older entries § Newer entries »