GroovyMojo.com

Every night I go to sleep with a machine strapped to my face, and it’s wonderful.

Used to be that I’d fall asleep while driving so often that I had my kids trained to pull the hair on my arms to keep me awake. I’d routinely fall dead asleep during meetings at work, and even once during a job interview. When visiting friends, I’d always end up dozing off on their couch. I even used to catch myself falling asleep while standing in line.

Coffee only had a limited effect. Herbal stimulants could only do so much. It was bad. I thought I had narcolepsy.

My doctor pegged it, though — she said I probably have sleep apnea. The moment she described what that meant, I knew she was right. People often told me that I snored loud, and then stopped, and then started again. During camping trips my snoring would scare other campers — my friend’s wife even thought I was an angry bear.

Spending the night at the local sleep lab confirmed the diagnosis. When I’d go to sleep, my throat would slowly close and cut off my airway. I’d stop breathing. My lungs would fight for air, which would wake me up only enough to gasp and open the airway again. Then, drifting back to sleep, it would happen all over again. All night long. Waking up every five minutes.

No wonder I kept falling asleep while I was driving. So many times I’d nod off and then come back just split seconds before disaster! It was because I wasn’t sleeping at night.

The solution to the problem turned out to be a machine called a CPAP, which stands for “Constant Positive Airway Pressure.” It’s basically a specialized air pump with a hose and a mask. The mask comes in various designs, all meant to put air into your nose at a specific pressure that’s just enough to keep your throat from closing while sleeping.

Let me tell you, I was very dubious of being able to sleep with what I considered a SCUBA apparatus strapped to my face all night. But being that it was so hard for me to stay awake in the first place, it only took me twenty minutes to drift off even with the strangeness of the contraption. I slept so well that first time, I woke up a new person. Literally. It had been so many years since I actually had a full night’s sleep that when I finally did, I felt like I’d just woken up from a coma. It was amazing.

Even now, years later, I’m awake all day long. I never fall asleep while driving. I don’t snore anymore. I’m a totally different person. The CPAP doubles as a white noise machine, and is usually much quieter than a fan. You can usually get your health insurance to pay for it — mine did, twice. Even if not, you can now find them on the Internet for a quarter of the price they used to cost.

A beneficial side effect I’ve found — and my doctor has confirmed — it may also solve any acid reflux problems you have at night.

I’m writing this to help anyone facing the decision of going with a CPAP to know that it’s not horrible — it’s wonderful. And I’m hoping that if someone else out there recognizes these symptoms, to please go to your doctor before you fall asleep while driving.

I am happy to announce another spin-off site has gone live this evening: GroovyGizmo.com

It’s just getting off the ground, but already we’ve got:

• Coke bottles set to “stun”
• Introduction of the “Wammer”
• Cold beer flying at your head
• And a guy who zooms through the sky like a genuine super-hero

If you’re into gizmos and gadgets, please feel free to go take a look. And, if you’ve got one for us to look at, please contact us.

Thanks!

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms.

The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he’d like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack. The boy insists on the familypack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. “Oh I’m so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!”

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl’s parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. Four minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after nearly ten minutes with his head down, the girlfriend finally leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, “I had no idea you were this religious.”

The boy turns, and whispers back, “I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.”

- From our big dusty archive of funny email
(Authors Unknown)

Here’s a bit of psyche mojo for when you have to ask someone for something, like a raise from your boss, or some extra time off from work.

First, make a list of reasons to back up your request. In the case of a raise, come up with all your job-related accomplishments and things you’ve done that are above and beyond the call of duty. In the case of time off, list all the extra hours you’ve put in without pay. Include times and dates, and what you were working on. The secret here is to be specific.

Then, when you’re actually asking, ask in a strong and straightforward manner. “I’ve been working hard and I deserve a raise,” or, “I put in a lot of extra time, and I want some time off with pay to compensate.” Never, ever ask in a weak, roundabout way, like, “Do you think, um, that it would be possible to, say, maybe, consider giving me a raise?” Psychologically, a weak question is easier to dismiss, and you’ve given them the advantage to laugh it off like you were joking, or simply say “Sorry, not this year.”

Now, you’ve asked your strong, demanding question. Without skipping a beat, follow up by asking for much more than you actually want. This is key, because there’s an outside chance that you’ll get it, but even more importantly, this gives you room to negotiate down to what you really want.

Next, and before they have a chance to respond to the amount, immediately list off all the reasons that you deserve this thing you’re asking for. This will keep them off balance and chip away at their ability to say no. Be calm, not too aggressive — don’t act angry and put them on the defensive — simply state it all in a matter of fact, earnest voice.

I deserve a raise. I want x number of dollars. I deserve it because yadda yadda yadda.

The most likely response will be, “I can’t give you that much, but…” and they’ll rattle off a lower amount. You counter with one that’s a bit less than your original demand. And, with luck, you negotiate down to your goal.

This works with more than just raises and time off. Use your imagination, and then get what you deserve.

You’re in-between relationships and have decided you’re ready to let someone new into your life. Either someone you know has recommended online dating services, or you’ve been wooed by their ads. You sign up, you fill in the forms, and are now facing that blank space where you’re supposed to tell everyone about yourself.

What you write is up to you, but here’s a highly recommended suggestion: Be honest! Not only to your prospective romantic connections, but also to yourself.

If you project only what you think a prospective date wants to hear, you may well attract more people — but probably not the right ones. If you want to meet someone who is going to love you for who you really are, then you’ve got to put your real self out there for everyone to see. Not your alter ego. Not who you’d like to be. But who you really are.

In doing this, the people who you attract will be attracted to you. This is the big advantage that online dating has over traditional dating — the ability to put yourself in front of a lot of people, giving you a much higher chance of finding the right one. Here’s your opportunity to find “pre-qualified” people whom with you really have a lot in common.

If you’re still staring at that blank space where you’re supposed to tell everyone about yourself, and you really don’t know where to start, begin by listing positive bits of information. Positive things about yourself, your interests, your passions, and your goals. Keep it short, sweet, and light hearted. Avoid any negative statements. Then be careful, patient, and remain positive. It might take a while, but true love is worth the wait.

Love is out there, and someone special is looking for you. Help them find you. The real you.

NOTE: since writing this, it’s gone out of date and some of the links are dead.  Updating it is on my to-do list … but in the meantime if you have any tips on this to share, please send them to me or put them in the comments.  Thanks!

The scenario:  you just spent $24.95 on a new DVD for your kids.  You pop it in the player, sit on the couch with them, and they have fun watching it over and over again.  You, on the other hand, fall asleep.  Time passes, and you wake up with your youngest one shaking you.  “Watch again!” she says.  “Want to watch again!”

Then she hands you two halves of the DVD disk she mysteriously destroyed while you were napping.

Goodbye $24.95.

Now, without getting into a legal debate [I'm in the camp which believes any laws prohibiting the circumvention of copy protection are invalid because they violate pre-existing fair use laws] I’m going to outline how you can do this, for the explicit purpose of protecting your investment in legally purchased DVDs.

The following programs are free, and they work together:

First, go to www.ripit4me.org and download the main piece of software, RipIt4Me.  This is a small program that coordinates and controls three other programs.  Download and study it.  It goes a long way toward making this complex process simple.

When you run this software it will, in turn, instruct you to download and install the following free programs:

• DVD Decrypter
• FixVTS
• DVD Shrink

Once you have these software applications installed, RipIt4Me takes control of them and makes it a easy process.  This combination gets around most known copy protection schemes (at least, it does at the time of this writing) and enables you to make copies of your legally purchased DVDs, so that you’ll put wear and tear on the cheap copies instead of the valuable originals.  Also, you’ll be able to use single layer discs, and not the more expensive and finicky dual layer blanks.

Now, even though RipIt4Me simplifies the process, it still takes some reading and there is a learning curve.  If you’re not that technically inclined, you might consider buying a commercial DVD copying solution, such as those produced by SlySoft.com.  SlySoft is supposed to make some of the best and easiest to use tools available, and they offer free updates to keep it current, so that newly released copy protection schemes don’t render it useless.

These software titles, both the free and pay versions, also have the added benefit of being able to make good copies of some DVDs that are otherwise damaged.  As in, if you’ve got a scratched up and skipping disc, these give you a good chance of resurrecting a playable copy from it.

Unfortunately if your little girl has already snapped the disk in half, then you’re out of luck no matter what software you have.

I came across this interesting article about how birds in the wild are now imitating mobile phone ring tones. “The birds have an uncanny ability to mimic these ring tones,” states Ornithologist Richard Schneider. “This has picked up in tandem with the boom in mobile phone ownership.”

I can just see it. A future where birds are flying from tree to tree, pooping on your car and saying, “Can you hear me now?”

Lowfat, lactose-free pasta!

• 1 med. yellow onion, chopped (sweet Vidalia if available)
• 1 lb. chicken breast, sliced into approx. 1/2″ X 2″ pieces (NOTE: Though I haven’t tried it, lacto-vegans could probably substitute firm or extra firm tofu for the chicken)
• 2 tblsp. olive oil (extra virgin, if available)
• 1 tsp. dried oregano
• 16 oz. ziti or penne pasta
• 5 tblsp. lactose-free margarine (Fleischmann’s Unsalted, if available)
• 1/2 c. flour
• 1/2 c. lactose-free shredded parmesan, mozzarella and Romano (”Veggie Shreds” brand, if available)
• 2 cloves chopped garlic
• 2 1/2 c. fat-free, lactose-free milk (Lactaid, Deans, etc…)
• 8 oz. chopped frozen spinach (defrosted and drained)
• Fresh ground sea salt and pepper to taste (sauce and marinade)

Set aside a lightly greased 13″X9″ lasagna pan (greased with Fat free Pam, if available). Marinate raw chicken breast slices for several hours in oregano, chopped garlic, a dash of ground sea salt and ground pepper, and 1 tbsp. olive oil. Sauté marinated chicken and chopped onion in 1 tbsp. olive oil (enough to coat the bottom of the skillet), until onion is translucent and chicken is lightly browned. Drain extra fat/liquid from chicken/onion mixture and set aside.

In a saucepan, cook milk, 4 tbsp. margarine, and flour until thickened, whisking continuously until bubbly and smooth. Add ground sea salt and pepper to taste, then add cheese and whisk gently until cheese is melted and blended in.

Boil pasta until al’ dente (approx. 12 minutes), toss with remaining margarine, chicken, onion, spinach, and 1/2 the sauce, and spread in lasagna pan. Then pour remaining sauce over the top of the pasta, smooth out sauce so that all of the pasta is covered, and bake in a 375 degree oven for approx. 45 minutes.

Serves between 6 to 8 people. Enjoy!

©2005 T.R. Nunes, Reprinted By Permission

A writer’s trick for keeping words flowing is to do timed writing practice every single day. Doesn’t matter what you write, and doesn’t matter how many words. Just pick a time and start writing. Say, 15 minutes, and set a timer, and write constantly for those 15 minutes.

This is an established practice that’s been around since the 60’s. But here’s a new twist on it.

Go to FutureMe.org and set up an account. It’s free.

This is a place where you write letters to yourself to be delivered to you in the future (up to 50 years in the future).

Every day go there and do a timed writing exercise and set it to be emailed to you one year in the future. Or longer. Or shorter. Whatever you want.

But it would be so cool to read all the random stuff that was in your mind a year ago today. Who knows what will turn up? What it will inspire? What forgotten thing it will remind you of?

Make sure you click their Google Ads everyday so that they can afford to send you the email a year from now!

…from MojoWriter.com

Using the little camera in your phone (or in my case, my Sony PDA) can keep you from getting ripped off. If the camera has a date imprinting feature, make sure it’s on by default.

When renting a car, take pictures of it before you drive it for the first time, especially paying attention to any scratches or dings. Then take pictures right before you turn it back in. This way if they try to claim you damaged the car, you’ll have proof that you didn’t.

Do the same for your own car before you hand the keys over for valet parking. When you get the car back, walk around it once before you get inside, and if you see anything suspicious - anything at all - take a picture of it. You can always compare the photos later, and if you do find a scratch or ding, you have evidence to back up your claim.

Here’s an example that worked for me personally: I suspected a place I used to take my car in for an oil change wasn’t actually replacing my oil filter (I already knew for a fact that they weren’t doing some of the other things they were supposed to do). So I opened the hood and took a picture of the oil filter the day before taking it in for service. Then, after taking it in for the change, I opened the hood right there in the parking lot and took a new picture of the oil filter. The picture was identical to the one I took the day before.

The service manager was on the defensive, but couldn’t explain away the pictures. So he sent my car back into the shop and had them do it all over again, on top of refunding my money.

These are just a few of the ways you can use that ever-present little camera to cover your butt. Any time you’re responsible for the condition of something, or someone else is responsible for something of yours, a few quick little snapshots can save you significant trouble or money. Think of it as insurance that you don’t have to pay for.