GroovyMojo.com

As far as I’m concerned, iTunes has just been replaced.  This is the future of music distribution right here.  I stumbled onto Magnatune after hearing one of their artists on an Internet radio station … Claire Fitch … I had to immediately go find her album.  They had it on iTunes, but I Googled her for more information, and that is when I found this place.

She has two albums.  I picked up both.  And after sampling the other artists, I know I’m going to be spending a lot of time here.

Just the fact that they have some amazing music sold me.

But beyond that, check out what Magnatune features:

• DRM Free music in the format of your choice, including uncompressed WAV.
• They encourage you to share the music by granting you license to give it to three of your friends.
• You get to choose how much you pay for it.
• If you ever lose it, you can download it again.
• You can listen to the entire song or album online before buying it.
• 50% of the money made by any sales, including merchandising, etc., goes directly to the artist.
• They are all about the music, the promotion of music, and consider the RIAA as evil.

What more can I say?  Magnatunes is just plain groovy.

My younger daughter’s computer bit the dust this week, and so Friday I bought her a new one on eBay.

My winning bid: $20.50

It’s not the absolute best computer in the world but it’s perfectly good for a young teen who’s not into gaming, and it’s better than the one that just died. A Pentium 4 running at 1.6 GHz will work fine syncing with her iPod, doing homework, and playing YouTube videos. I’d found a deal locally on the exact same computer, refurbished, for $200. But on eBay — even after shipping — I paid less than $60.

Inexpensive eBay shopping is a lot like playing a game. There are hundreds of different ways to do it, but this is the way I’ve settled on. It combines the best results with the most fun.

First of all, you need to find items you’re interested in where the auction ends outside of peak bidding times. My favorite time is before 8 AM on a weekday, while a good chunk of the continent is more preoccupied with getting to work on time than bidding against you.

I find an item I want, I decide how much I’m willing to pay for it (including shipping) and I bid accordingly. But I don’t bid up front, I wait until the last second.

Some people call this “sniping” a bid and they will hate you for it. I can live with that. Especially if I end up getting a good deal.

I bring up the same auction in two separate windows. In one, I place my bid amount … bidding the highest amount I’m willing to go … but I haven’t clicked the button to make the bid final. The button that commits you to the bid.

In the other window I view the item during the last few minutes of the auction, clicking refresh to watch the time left and how the bidding is going. Sometimes there is a lot of activity right at the very end of the bid which will put it completely out of your price range.

So, the clock ticks down, and there’s maybe 15 seconds left until the auction is over. In the case of this computer, the highest bid is still a very low $18.50. I’ve set my bid amount to $45 in the other window, and when it reaches the 15 second mark I pop over to that other window and click the button to actually place my bid. My bid pops up in the last several seconds of the auction, not giving anyone enough time to raise their bids against it.

Someone else bid a maximum of $20.00. Since my maximum bid was $45, I easily beat that person’s $20 — raising the incremental bid to $20.50 in my favor.

So, I won.

If I had bid my $45 even minutes in advance, it would have given others time to bid against me and keep raising their bid until theirs went higher than mine. Before I started bidding this way, I always seemed to lose an auction by pennies. Why? Because someone else was sniping against me.

Now, there is always a chance that — using this auction as an example — someone else had already bid an amount higher than mine. So the guy who originally bid $18.50, say his highest bid amount was $100, then my bid would have gone in at the last minute but still lost, and he would have won the auction at $45.50.

If that happens, laugh and shrug it off, and go to the next item. If there’s anything you can count on with eBay, there is always the next item. And it is most definitely a game.

Do you have a favorite method in your own eBay madness?

UPDATE: The computer arrived in perfect condition, I set it up, loaded the operating system and software, and then copied over all the information I managed to save from her old dying computer. It runs fast, and she’s very happy with it. I’m now thinking about buying one for myself!

How it starts out with me, I get blind spots. Like early today I was writing a beer review and was having problems seeing what I had just typed. It gave me a sudden sinking feeling, and I wondered, Is this a migraine coming on?

I struggled with typing for a few more minutes, and then realized, yes, I’m having lots of problems seeing the words on the screen.

This is THE WARNING. When I get THE WARNING it means I have about 50 to 75 minutes before THE PAIN.

The moment I get this warning I drop everything and go take medicine. Fortunately I’ve found the generic OTC migraine pills work just fine, and the Wal-Mart generic Equate Headache Relief (which is the equivalent of Excedrin® Migraine) is dirt cheap. They consist of Acetaminophen, Aspirin, and Caffeine. If I don’t have those pills, I found taking a Tylenol combined with Advil and some coffee will work the same.

They take about 50 minutes to take effect. So if I get those pills in me immediately, they will head off the migraine pain, and all I have to deal with are the other symptoms (sleepiness, reduced mental abilities, and nausea).

So, do you get migraines? How do you deal with them?

This is a great way to start a early morning, and it’s healthy too!  All you need is:

• Oatmeal
• Granola
• Very Vanilla Silk Milk

Make your oatmeal as usual, any kind you’d like, regular or instant.  When it’s done, stir in the granola of your choice, and add the Very Vanilla Silk soy milk.

Lactose free, warm, and yummy!

Every first grader knows that 1+1=2.  Those who’ve read George Orwell might also say they’re familiar with the concept of 2+2=5.  Today I’m going to tell you that in some circumstances, 1+1=11.

The number 11 is a perfect symbol for a strong, loving relationship made of two very compatible people.

Of course, when one person joins with another it makes two people.   But in a really good relationship synergy gets involved, so that the total is greater than the sum of the two individuals.  Two people can bond and reinforce each other to become much more than just two.  Much stronger than two.  More confident than two.  More capable than two. 

So you add 1 and 1 together, it makes 2, or it makes 11.  It’s a different way of putting the ones together, but symbolically it works.

The number 11 depicts two ones standing together to make one number, yet that number is far greater than the sum of one and one.  And while being a single number, they retain their individuality, standing side by side, inseparable, reinforcing each other.

Just like two people in a strong loving relationship.

Two pillars standing side by side will support far more than twice of what either pillar would individually.  Two minds, put together, can brainstorm far better.  Two passions together can ignite hotter, stronger flames.

All this is why my love and I have chosen “11″ as our number.  And, as my love adds, “It is also a prime number.   We cannot be divided by anything other than ourselves.” Late one night we came up with all sorts of other profound facets of 11 that fit our relationship … but some are too TMI to post publically, and the others … well, we’ve slept since then. They’ve gone *poof*.

This is why if you’re ever around us, and you hear one of us say “I love you,” sometimes the other doesn’t say “I love you too.” 

We respond, “I love you eleven.”

So a bridge collapses in Minneapolis, and now CNN is reporting that America’s entire infrastructure is on the verge of destruction and we’re all going to die. So now — according to the news media — all bridges, water plants, piping under the cities, buildings we live and work in — everything — is suddenly a big ticking time bomb.

Yes, bridges need to be inspected. Yes, things should be looked at and repaired. But the news media has seized on this and is trying its best to make you panic.

Why? For your safety? Are they using fear mongering to help you, the viewer? To call attention to what needs to be done?

No. They’re doing it so they can keep you glued to your television, so they can sell more advertising.

Even if one bridge collapses every year and kills a hundred people, the odds of you ever being involved is about one in three-hundred-million. That’s the same odds as you winning a million dollar jackpot in a Lotto drawing.

Don’t panic, my friends. Let’s mourn the loss of life and do what is necessary to keep it from happening again, but at the same time, let’s look at it as it really is: a sad but very unlikely event. Given enough time, the unlikely does happen.

But the unlikely is nothing to fear, otherwise you may as well never leave your home.

The population estimates from the US Census Bureau (www.census.gov):

282,909,885 people, of which
138,396,524 are male
144,513,361 are female
72,707,840 are under 18 years old, and
33,896,172 are 65 years old and over

Keep these figures in mind, especially when watching a panicky news broadcast about things like a mosquito-born virus which has made 126 people sick.

282,909,885 people the USA, and 126 people get sick. You do the math. The chances of it affecting you - even in the 65 and older population - would be so close to zero that it might as well be zero.

Dumping

Dumping someone sucks almost as much as it does getting dumped.  If you’re a kind and compassionate person, it hurts you almost as much as it does the person you’re breaking it off with.  Because of this, many of us stay with someone longer than we’d like — often years.

Here’s the thing.  You’re not really doing that person a favor.  Staying in your relationship merely to keep him or her happy, in the long run, is only going to hurt them more.  The longer you are together, the more attached to you they become, and the longer it will take them to get over the trauma and move on with their life.

So you find yourself having doubts.  He or she seems serious about you.  Maybe marriage has been discussed.  You may have even thought it a good idea.  Then something happens, and you wonder if you’re making a mistake.

Stop immediately.  Think it through.  Discuss it with trusted friends or family.  If you have sane parents (lucky you!) discuss it with them — they’ve been through it.  Maybe bring it up with a counselor or psychologist, if you have that resource.

Can you see yourself with this person five years from now?  Can you see yourself having children with him or her?  Do you think you’ll be happy?

No?

Stop the relationship immediately.  Don’t let it linger. You owe it to him or her, as much as you do to yourself.  The sooner you break it off, the sooner they’ll get over it, and the quicker they’ll get back into their search for their own special person.

There is no easy way to break it off.  Being you’ve read this far, you obviously care enough about this person to want to let them down easy.  Unfortunately the chances are if he or she is already attached to you, there is no way to let them down easy.  Research (and my own personal experience) shows the best way to do it is suddenly and absolutely.

Think of it like peeling off an adhesive bandage that’s stuck tight and is going to hurt when you remove it.  Peeling it slowly may hurt a bit less, but it still hurts and you’re prolonging the pain.  Pull it off quickly and it hurts a bit more up front, but then at least it’s over with, the pain fades faster, and you can then move on to other things.

There’s no real way to say what would work best in your situation, but generally speaking you should consider writing it out in a letter.  Outline in simple terms why you want to break it off, and explain it’s just as much for their sake as it is for your own, and that there’s no room for negotiations.

Hand the letter to them and stand there while it’s read.  Say you’re sorry.  Fend off any attempts to change your mind.  They’re going to go through denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and then acceptance.  No telling how long this will take (weeks if not months) but right up front you’ll be dealing with their denial, and possibly the anger and bargaining.

If you’re the tender-hearted sort (being that you’re bothering to read this, you probably are) this is where you’ll be in the most danger of caving in.  If so, you need to make a quick escape.  Either that, or opt to do the less honorable thing and don’t deliver the letter in person.

Here is where I’m going to disagree with most of the “expert” advice out there on this subject.  The goal is to break off the relationship, right?  You’re doing it as much for him or her as you are for yourself, right?  So what is the point of doing the “honorable” thing of actually facing the person as you’re breaking off the relationship if that gives them more a chance of overcoming your resolve?

Really, think about it, the more a jerk you are about it, the more likely you are to succeed. The better you succeed the better for you both.  I’m not saying you should be mean to them or damage their self-esteem.  I’m saying you should consider handling it in such a way that they (and their friends) may label you as a coward.

Consider this scenario:  you try to break it off in person.  She cries, and you can’t stand seeing her cry.  So you cave in, and try to make it work.  Months later you come to the same conclusion, and so try it again, this time by simply leaving a letter.  She shows up on your doorstep, sobbing, miserable, and you cave in again.  Finally much later you still come to the same conclusion and in desperation break off the relationship in a much-less-than-honorable way.  End result: you’ve wasted a good chunk of her life (and yours) because of misplaced good intentions.

What would have been a better way? Buy a plane ticket, change the locks on your doors, change your phone number, and then slide a compassionate but final goodbye letter under her door before leaving town for a week or two.  This would give her time to go through the denial and be deep into the anger by the time you return.  If she’s successfully transferred into the anger stage, she won’t want to see you again.  Later, during the bargaining phase, you will have some distance and hopefully built up your resolve enough to resist it.

Is this cowardly?  Maybe.  Is it the right way to do it?  Probably not.  Is it the best thing for the both of you?  That’s up to you, but I’ve made my argument.  If you’re strong enough to not give in on the first time, then wonderful.  If you are, though, why are you reading this article?  Just go do it.

There’s nothing wrong with being tender-hearted.  It means you’re compassionate.  Unfortunately there are times when you have to save yourself from your own compassion, and this is one of those times.

It sucks when you have to hurt someone.  Just like it sucks when you get hurt.  But you have to be true to yourself, and that’s the final word.

Been Dumped

So you find yourself on the other side of this.

Let yourself grieve.  It’s going to have to come out, so you might as well get it all out at once.  You have to go through those stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and then acceptance. 

Accept that it happened.  That person, for some reason or another, decided that you two were not a good match after all.  Unless there’s a major misunderstanding involved, you just have to trust that person is right.  For a permanent relationship to work, you both have to know it’s right, not just one of you.  So, it was not meant to be. 

Even if it feels like it, this is not the end of the world.  It is a bitter thing to do — accepting that there must be life after this person.  But there is.

You need to resolve immediately to move on.

Lean on your friends for a while.  Not too much, but enough to help you cope.  If you find you’re overwhelming your friends, talk to a therapist (they’re paid to listen). 

Avoid alcohol.  It makes everything worse.  Trust me on this.

You may find you’ve lost interest in everything.  You may also find that since you’ve displaced all your original dreams with the ones you shared with this person, you end up with none.  This can be the hardest part.  If you can’t resurrect your old dreams, start casting about for new ones.

Resolve to continue moving on.  You’ve already tried telling yourself to do it immediately.  Keep telling yourself that.

Also keep in mind that the past does not exist.  No time machine will ever take you back.  The past is gone.  You have only now, and you have to stay in the here and now.  The things you do now will shape your future.  You have to start now in making your future brighter.

That being said, you’re probably in a state of mind where you don’t care at all about the future.  You don’t care at all about anything.  So, start searching for things you enjoy doing, even small things — and as long as they’re not harmful, then revel in doing them.  Do things that give you pleasure. 

Stop dwelling on what happened.  Dwell instead on now, and what you’re going to do tomorrow.

Continue moving on.  Put yourself out there.  It doesn’t matter that your confidence is shattered … fake it.  Everyone else is faking it too.

Move slowly with your next relationship, unless you find someone who is temporary and agrees to be temporary.  If you find that person, get wild with them.  Be safe, but have fun.

Whenever a horrid upwelling of sadness hits you — and it will — immediately remind yourself that it will soon pass.  You’re going to get through this okay.  You will reach a point where you can look back on this with relief that it’s over.  Every day moves you closer to that point.

Continue to not dwell on the past.  Continue to move forward.

You’re going to be okay.

Trust me, you will.

Last year a lovely and talented writer named Jennifer turned me on to Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg.

Thank you Jennifer.

Thank you.

I’ve had this book for months and I haven’t even finished it. I can only read about two pages before I suddenly have to put the book down, rush over to my desk, and write something.

This book is so unique you can judge it by weight. It’s light, yet it holds more inspiration per ounce than anything I have ever hefted before in my life. It’s like condensed inspiration, slowly and lovingly rendered down to almost pure form.

I know I’ve touted this book before, maybe here, definitely elsewhere, but even if I’m repeating myself it deserves to be repeated. I sometimes wish I’d discovered this twenty years ago, but no. Things happen for a reason. The universe has a timing all its own. Something brought Jennifer and I together one morning at a Starbucks, and I think her gift to me was to tell me about this book. So the book came into my life at a time where I can really appreciate it, and savor it, and let it inspire me one page at a time.

I cannot recommend it highly enough to anyone who writes. Not just novels, but poetry, business reports, sales receipts, shopping lists … even if you don’t write at all. It teaches you in a very Zen way to appreciate life as it happens.

It’s a writer’s job to notice things. Moments. Instances. If you notice them, you appreciate them. Then you can write about them.

But the real gift here is that you learn to notice them.

Thank you again, Jennifer.

And thank you Natalie Goldberg.

Serves three, or one bachelor for three days.

Ingredients:

• 4 cups water
• 1 TBS margarine
• 3/4 cup frozen onion/pepper mix
• Wal-Mart Great Value Chicken Stuffing Mix
• Wal-Mart Great Value Chicken Flavor Pasta & Sauce
• Idahoan Four Cheese Mashed Potatoes

Bring water and margarine to a boil in medium saucepan.

Add package of Chicken Flavor Pasta & Sauce.

Add the frozen onion/pepper mix because, oh, what the heck. Onions and peppers are good.

Continue boiling over medium heat for seven minutes, stirring occasionally and wondering if it is supported to look so soupy.

Realize you used a 2 cup measure instead of a 1 cup measure, which means there is twice the water that’s supported to be in there.

Panic and search the cupboard for more pasta.

Finding none, throw in the stuffing mix, because — what the heck — it’s been in the cupboard for at least two years now.

Determine that it still looks too soupy to eat, so search for something else you can throw in to soak up the water.

Discover the package of Idahoan Four Cheese Mashed Potatoes and wonder how long that’s been up there.

Stir in the entire package.

Describe over the phone how disgusting it looks to your fiancée. Wince as she laughs hysterically at you.

Take it off the heat and let it congeal as you look up the phone number of the local pizza delivery place.

Right before you dial the pizza number, you take an experimental taste.

Surprise! It’s delicious!

Wash it down with a bottle of Lagunitas Hairy Eyeball Ale.

Life is good.